Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a process that takes time, patience and emotional balance. Today we explore the boundaries around forgiveness and how to deal with them.

The first step in this process is to understand where you are emotionally. You need to be able to identify what feelings you are experiencing, what thoughts you are having, and how these emotions make you feel. For example, if your mother died from cancer but it was not your fault, then there may be some guilt or shame around your loss.

If you can't forgive yourself for something that's not your fault then try using radical responsibility as a way of dealing with this guilt or shame. Radical responsibility means acknowledging that we have no control over everything that happens in life and that we need to be compassionate with ourselves and our need to be perfect. It's about accepting the responsibility for our choices and actions, taking care of ourselves, and letting go of the need to control or change everything.

It is important to note that forgiveness is not forgetting what happened, but choosing not to allow the event to dictate how we live our lives and how we feel about ourselves.

In episode 12 of season 2 we explore and unpack the concept of forgiveness as a process. We discuss what it really means to forgive and why it can be so difficult. As always, you’ll hear some of our own stories of loss and forgiveness, as well as ideas for understanding and practicing forgiveness in your everyday life.

Resources:

Adams, B. (1993). Please Forgive Me. On So Far So Good. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x8wPt8xarE

The Center for the Empowerment Dynamic, https://www.theempowermentdynamic.com/about

Henly, D. (1989). The Heart Of The Matter. On The End Of The Innocence. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_8NEKEZlQs

Kemp, C. (2019). Why Forgiveness is Unnecessary. TedXBearCreekPark. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uJ1n8iF4zs

Sutton, J. The Psychology of Forgiveness: 10+ Fascinating Research Findings. Positive Psychology. https://www.positivepsychology.com/psychology-of-forgiveness

00:00 Introduction
2:22 The effects forgiveness have on our bodies and mental health
5:16 Defining forgiveness
6:56 Who is forgiveness for?
7:58 The importance of radical responsibility and emotional regulation for forgiveness
10:44 Dealing with boundaries around forgiveness
13:47 Another view on forgiveness: is it necessary?
19:03 Talking about receiving forgiveness for our flaws
22:02 What about self forgiveness?

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